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How Pedophiles Groom Our Children
by Sandra J. Dixon, PMHCNS-BC
Every Police Officer and parent must read this article...
Not only do pedophiles groom children so they can have sex with them, they groom their parents to make them think their children are safe with them. Pedophiles groom police officers, judges, paramedics, school teachers, principals, caregivers--to show them how they only have the child's interests at heart and are not a threat, but only a loving surrogate uncle or aunt, a friend and mentor.
See book at www.PercyHouseInfo.com
The article was written by Sandra J. Dixon, PMHCNS-BC, who has provided therapy and direction to children and adults for more than 30 years. Too often, she has seen the devastation that child molesters have wrought. As author of The Invisible Girl: Uncovering Repressed Memories of Childhood Sexual Abuse, a book on childhood sexual abuse, she is an expert on the subject. Among other credentials, she is a Board Certified Expert in Acute Traumatic Stress Management and Sexual Abuse by the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress. She is also a board member of the Child Advocacy Centers of Illinois. --Editor
Jerry Sandusky's Behavior
Former Pennsylvania State University Assistant Football Coach, Jerry Sandusky, publicly admitted to showering with young boys, giving hugs, touching legs, "horsing around," and snapping butts with towels. He insists he is not a pedophile.
His lawyer stated that Mr. Sandusky was teaching the boys basic hygiene. Who does that besides parents?
The behaviors that Sandusky alluded to are identical to the sexual grooming behaviors of pedophiles.
In June 2012, 68-year-old Sandusky was found guilty on 45 counts of child sexual abuse. Eight men had testified against Sandusky, accusing him of numerous counts of rape and abuse for decades. The trial revealed that many top people at Pennsylvania State University knew about the allegations and chose to do nothing about them, thereby allowing Sandusky to continue his illegal and destructive behavior with impunity.
One of those officials was the universally loved and admired Joe Paterno, a tyrannical coach who was fired for his participation in the coverup.
Paterno died before he could be made accountable. But his name has been removed from programs and buildings, and his statue will likely be razed. Affectionately called "JoePa," his legacy is that he stands as an example of those who turn their backs on pedophiles, selfishly ignoring the pain and suffering of the victims of sexual child abuse.
The fallout from this betrayal will likely continue for years, as civil suits are filed against Sandusky, his Second Mile charity, which he used to groom and recruit many of his victims, and Penn State.
No sentencing date has been set for Sandusky, but the judge has scheduled a pre-sentencing hearing for August 13, 2012. His lawyers will ask for house arrest. Not a chance. He will probably get a life sentence. When you consider that he has been getting away with this since the 1970s, he should be given 500 years. And the powerful and influential people that looked the other away should be charged criminally for aiding and abetting.
To Catch A Predator
When I was young, sex predators were described as disheveled, dirty old men, flashers in raincoats, and perverts hanging around schoolyards. Dateline NBC-TV's To Catch A Predator series reveals a more complex picture.
The television program uses an organization called the Perverted Justice Foundation, whose mission is to track down, expose and get convictions of adults who groom children online.
For the TV show, Perverted Justice volunteers pose as decoys and go online to communicate with men who want to hook up with young teens for sex.
Who Are Sex Predators?
When a contact is made, the decoy plans a meeting with the predator at a house where a camera crew and law enforcement officers are waiting. The men who show up to have sex with minors rarely fit old stereotypes.
Ft. Myers, FL, sting
They are instead: teachers, ministers, construction workers, scientists, waiters, mechanics, paramedics, politicians, a rabbi, and even a Homeland Security agent. Most have condoms in their pockets and bottles of booze in their hands. Many have already sent photos of their penis or naked body to the child.
Child Molesters Take Pride In Violating Children
Carla van Dam, Ph.D., wrote the book, Identifying Child Molesters, after interviewing more than 300 convicted pedophiles who had nothing to lose by revealing their lewd behaviors. Many took pride in how they stalked, inveigled and violated young victims.
Van Dam found striking similarities in the behaviors of pedophiles, which led her to create a profile of characteristics and behaviors that identify those who are a danger to children. Surprisingly, pedophiles have no common physical characteristics, nor a psychological profile that sets them apart from others. They come from any race, religion, nationality, social class, profession and economic status.
How Pedophiles Hunt Their Prey
To hunt their prey, pedophiles seek jobs and become volunteers for activities where children are present.
Please be aware that I'm not trying to make you suspicious of every well-meaning coach or teacher who make up the majority of mentors. But I am raising your awareness so you are not taken in by a devious child molester.
Pedophiles get themselves in positions where they teach children, coach them, become scout leaders, camp counselors, eager baby sitters, day care workers, the "too helpful" neighbor, or the new boyfriend of the single mom of an adorable child. They will marry a woman to violate her child. Get this: 93 percent of pedophiles are someone the child knows.
Where They Find Our Children
Other predators have pick-up points where they seek out children. This includes bus stops, bathrooms at shopping malls, convenience stores, department stores, and parks.
They may drive an ice-cream truck, start a secret scout troop, leave notes on bulletin boards for jobs or modeling, elicit kids on the Internet, or drive around searching for places where kids are found alone.
Often they will stalk a victim and observe their habits when they walk home from school. In the Champaign-Urbana area of Illinois during the past several months, nine children were nearly abducted while walking home after school. One man was arrested, but was let go because they couldn't locate the witness.
Child Molesters Groom Adults--You and Me!
Child molesters must groom the adult community to gain access to a child victim. Considerable thought and planning goes into the process.
They groom parents, family, friends, teachers, lawyers, neighbors, social workers, counselors, and even police officers and judges.
Case History Where the Pedophile Almost Won
I read court documents concerning a nine-year-old patient who had the most severe Posttraumatic Stress I've ever seen in a child. Her mother took the father to court multiple times over a five year span, trying to get his visits revoked. The transcript described tongue-to-tongue touching, rolling in bed games, weekends in motels, sleeping in the same bed, burns, serious injuries, severe rashes, lack of supervision and gross neglect.
Aware of this, the judge commented in court, "He's not a child molester. He's an immature, uninformed father."
In one of the proceedings, a teacher, social worker, counselor and psychiatrist testified on the father's behalf. The father hired a father's rights lawyer to bamboozle the court.
This is an example of how expertly and effectively a pedophile can groom the community, leaving the child in danger. And when the predator is high profile, a professional, good looking, he can charm anybody into believing anything, no matter the evidence against him.
Fortunately for the child in this case, the father lied to his attorney about major issues of the case. As a result, his lawyer dumped him and the judge revoked his visitation rights.
Pedophile Personality Profile Is The Same For Serial Killers
Psychopaths, serial killers and pedophiles share the same personality profile. They are notoriously successful in gaining cooperation from people they plan to exploit.
Like Ted Bundy, they are:
- Too charming
- Very superficial
- Appear too good to be true
Pedophiles have a compelling, almost irresistible desire to have sex with children. They are intrusive and violate boundaries of privacy and personal space.
They're constantly involved with managing their self-image and thinking about what move to make next. They give, but ask nothing in return. They are overly attentive to children and try to spend an inordinate amount of time alone with them.
Some pedophiles idolize children and consider them
objects to possess or projects to work on. They often use strange,
inappropriate words to describe children, such as pure, divine, heavenly
Having few peer relationships, they prefer the company of children and engaging in child activities, kind of like Peter Pan.
Except with foul and nefarious motives.
The "Tasting" Game
Often a trail of complaints, misconduct, or innuendos from the past surface about a sex offender, but are disregarded. A good example is what happened at a local school when a young girl told her parent about the "tasting" game.
Elementary school teacher Jon White took seven and eight year old girls from the after school program to clean his classroom. But no cleaning was performed.
He blindfolded the girls, handed them bananas dipped in flavored sauces, and attained sexual satisfaction from watching them lick sauce off the fruit. Sometimes he laid his hand on the back of the girls' heads and had them bob up and down on the banana.
Red Flag About Jon White
As early as 2004, school officials reprimanded Jon White for viewing pornography on a classroom computer, but no one contacted authorities or dug deeper to see what this teacher was up to.
A mother complained that her daughter said that White had girls give him back rubs under his shirt, and had them rub his legs under his pants. But, incredibly, the mother was ignored by an Assistant Principal who, despite the damming evidence, stood up for White and insisted he was an outstanding teacher.
White Sentenced to 60 Years
In 2008, White was sentenced to 60 years in prison. Some school officials were fired, and now millions of dollars in lawsuits are pending against the school district. Why? Because cowardly school officials refused to acknowledge what was going on in front of them. They refused to stand up for the children.
How Pedophiles Seduce Children
Pedophiles begin grooming children by identifying areas of vulnerability. They seduce children in much the same way an adult would seduce another adult.
They lavish the child with special attention, kindness, offer treats, give gifts for no reason, and offer to take the child on outings. They engage children with magic tricks, food kids enjoy, a puppy, suggestive magazines, sports equipment, books about sex, popular expensive toys, video games, movies, drugs, alcohol and tobacco. They develop hobbies that children find attractive. They tell the child she's pretty, special or the favorite.
Pedophiles interact with children as peers, but don't take responsibility or place limits on them for their well-being or safety. Predators side with the child in family disputes. They lie, manipulate and coerce to get what they want. They never have the child's welfare at heart.
In a bizarre case, a father who was visibly grooming his daughter brought a buddy home. The guy gave the girl a wrapped gift, snuggled up to her, and whispered in her ear. The mom threw them both out. I shudder to think that the perverts may have been planning a threesome with an eight-year-old.
Pedophiles Destroy Boundaries And Desensitize The Child
Pedophiles attempt to blur boundaries of what is appropriate, inappropriate, normal or abnormal. They sidle up to a child and invade their body space to gauge the child's resistance or reluctance to being in close physical contact.
They desensitize the child to touch by gradually increasing various types of touch. Nearly all molesters engage children in tickling, roughhousing, picking the child up, massaging, cuddling, holding, patting, rocking, kissing and touching. That's what Sandusky allegedly did. By "accident," pedophiles touch the buttocks, breasts or genitals and just happen to open the bathroom door when the child's inside.
Breaking Down A Child's Defenses--And Yours
Now imagine this: the predator touches the child in front of the parents, at first appropriately, and soon inappropriately. That's how bold they are. If the parents don't stop it, the child thinks that they approve. Breaking down a child's defenses may take weeks or months.
In Dr. van Dam's book, a convicted predator bragged about perching a girl on his shoulders, his finger in her vagina, while parading in front of her parents.
Predators will hold down, kiss or hug, even if the child protests. They will tease, blame or shame if a child resists. If the child say "no," or reveals their secret, he may stop and seek another child. If the child doesn't resist, he will coerce the child to undress, or touch the child's genitals.
In addition, most predators introduce sexually explicit material to lower inhibitions and arouse curiosity. Sexual activity is disguised as playing games.
Physical Force and Injuries
Predators always say, "Oh, I would never hurt a child." Well, the statistics speak for themselves. Physical force is used in 50 percent of reported child molestations, and pedophiles cause visible physical injury in 39 percent of their victims
Big Secrets Mean Silence
The predator introduces secrecy to gain cooperation, participation and silence. Keeping the secret isolates the child from freely communicating to others. The predator first introduces insignificant secrets, such as not telling about a movie they saw or an ice cream cone they shared.
Secrecy is an ongoing theme and a method of manipulating the child's mind. Pedophiles use threats and violence to intimidate children into silence by telling them:
- "This is our secret."
- "No one will believe you."
- "It's your fault."
- "They'll send you away."
- "I'll go to prison."
- "You'll break up the family."
- "I'll hurt your family."
- "I'll kill your pet."
- "I'll kill you."
The father, who had expertly groomed the judge, told his daughter if the judge knew what he was doing to her, she would send him to prison forever, thereby making it the child's burden and fault.
Judge Didn't Get It
Unfortunately, that worthless piece of crap was not thrown in jail because the judge had less common sense than an amoeba. I apologize for the coarse language, but I've seen this happen too many times where the judge just doesn't get it and the father is allowed to destroy a child.
My Uncle Abused Me
Speaking of secrets... My uncle sexually abused me when I was a child. To keep me quiet, he showed me a box of decapitated dolls with detached arms and legs. Eyeballs rolled around eerily in the bottom of the box. He told me I would end up looking like the dolls if I told our secret.
When You Confront A Predator
When child molesters are told to stop, they rarely comply. The word NO means nothing to them. When confronted, they go on the defensive and may become aggressive. They grossly distort the truth to justify their behavior. They blame the child, minimize the situation and make up a myriad of lame excuses:
- "It was a loving gesture."
- "My hand slipped into her pants."
- "I was teaching her to use a tampon."
- "Better I educate her about sex..."
- "I was checking her hygiene."
- "I was teaching him to shower."
- "It was an accident."
- "I was checking her bra size."
- "I was showing her how a condom worked."
- "I was checking a rash."
- "I didn't know better."
- "She came on to me."
- "My penis flipped out of my pants."
- "I have a disorder called sexsomania."
The idea of blaming child rape and molestation on "sexsomania" would be laughable if it wasn't sickening. This is a rare condition in which people demand or actually have sex unintentionally while asleep. However, pedophiles and rapists have used this outlandish diagnosis as an excuse for their perverted behavior.
Predators Claim They Are Mentoring
On To Catch A Predator, men proposition young teens for sex, then send them a photo of their penis, drive for hours, and bring sex toys, condoms and liquor. Some walk in naked.
When they are confronted by the investigator for the show, the majority of the men claim that they came to mentor the child. With a bottle of Scotch and a box of condoms?
On second thought, the definition of "mentor" is: one who shares knowledge, skills and information. In this context, it is an ironic and unintended definition, for sure.
Pedophiles Write Books To Groom Us
You may have heard of the sordid, controversial book, The Pedophile's Guide to Love & Pleasure: A Child Lover's Code Of Conduct.
The author claimed that the purpose of writing the book was to make pedophilia situations safer for juveniles.
At that statement, I don't know whether to laugh, cry or throw up. After sending a copy to undercover police in Florida, he received a slap on the wrist by serving two years probation. Big deal. I don't dare tell you what sentence I would have given him.
Let's look at his self-serving, ignorant statement a little closer. He says that children are safer when pedophiles exploit, molest and rape them more lovingly. Can anybody explain that to me?
Another book promotes the same insanity. It's called Understanding Loved Boys and Boylovers, still listed on Amazon.com with a 2.5 star rating.
Talk about distortion of the truth and denial of the horrific toll that molestation takes on children...
Do Pedophiles Believe This Dreck?
Just how can pedophiles believe such nonsense? How do they justify their actions? Easy. Pedophiles convince themselves that the child is not victimized, that what they do to children is not harmful.
If the child doesn't protest, (these sickos argue), then she or he wants it, and if he doesn't penetrate, then it's not abuse, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...
Why Child Molesters Rarely Get Caught
Child molesters have an enduring pattern of misconduct, but very little is witnessed and they rarely get caught. Why? Because people don't notice much, but what they do see is rarely reported to authorities. Past wives, neighbors, co-workers and friends may have had suspicions, but didn't voice their concerns.
When child molesters are caught in the act, often they are not prosecuted in order to spare the children from having to testify. Bosses are glad to see them leave a job, and neighbors are relieved when they move away.
All the witnesses are scattered and silent. Schools, churches and other groups will treat each complaint separately instead of connecting them. Parents' complaints are often placated, minimized and dismissed, as they were in the Jon White case.
People accept the lies of pedophiles to avoid conflict, refrain from expressing disbelief, overlook warnings, accept lies to avoid awkwardness, and they don't want to believe an adult would molest a child.
The Hard Facts
The truth is that each pedophile molests on average 260 victims in his lifetime.
260 Victims Each!
Childhood sexual molestation occurs in epidemic proportions.
Before the age of 18, sexual assaults are perpetrated against:
- 1 in 3 to 4 girls
- 1 in 6 to 8 boys
Like rape, child molestation is grossly under-reported where only 1 to 10 percent of cases are uncovered.
Only 1 to 10%
in 3,000 Acts
Only 1 in 3,000 unlawful acts with a minor is discovered, tried and the pedophile sentenced. Unbelievably, 75 percent of child molestations occur in the child or pedophile's home.
How Bad Can It Get?
In 2005, pedophile Dean Arthur Schwartzmiller, 63, was arrested.
In his possession were binders detailing accounts of sexual assaults against children over a span of 30 years. How many names were listed?
Enlarged page from one binder
In over 1,500 pages, he detailed more than 36,000 assaults and rapes, mostly involving boys.
He may be the worst pedophile ever caught. In January, 2007, he was sentenced to 152 years in prison.
How To Stop The Predators?
Watch, Listen, Ask Questions, Report, Act
To protect children from these wrenching, life-wrecking monsters, we must WAKE UP!
As much as we would like to pretend that predators are not targeting our children, they are, and on a massive scale. We must wake up to the fact that the people we trust with our children may not be trustworthy.
We must recognize the pattern of grooming behaviors and follow these criteria:
- Supervise your children
- Know who their friends are and where they go
- Become acquainted with your child's teachers, coach, piano teacher, sitter and neighbors
- Keep your eye on them when you are shopping, at the park, and out in public
- Do not send them into public restrooms alone
- Keep your child away from any adult who tries to single out your child or get them alone
- Screen sitters and caretakers carefully
- Believe your gut feeling. If it feels wrong, it is wrong.
- Rules Apply to Adults, too
Let your child know that there are rules and laws in the home, at school, and in the community, and they apply to adults as well as to children.
- Children Must Get Your Permission
Tell your children that they must get permission from you to enter anyone's home or car, assists with a task, or stay overnight.
- Watch Their Internet Activities
Tell them how predators lure children. Closely watch their activities on the Internet and block them from unsafe sites. If necessary, install a stealth program on your child's computer to monitor their viewing habits.
- Keep Communication Open
Keep an open line of communication with your children and an atmosphere of trust.
- Encourage Expressing Their Feelings
Encourage them to express their feelings.
- Do Not Respect or Obey Any Adult
Don't tell them to respect and obey any adult they come into contact with.
- Don't Tell Them To Hug Everyone
Don't encourage them to hug everyone that comes in your door. That sends a terrible message that everybody is okay--and not everybody is.
- Teach Them To Say NO
Teach your children to say NO if what an adult does or says makes the child feel uncomfortable.
- They Must Not Keep Secrets
Let your children know that they must not keep secrets with an adult or with an older child.
- No Matter What, You Will Love Them
Tell them that no matter what happens, or what they tell you, you will listen, love and protect them from another adult.
- Create Community Awareness
To protect children, we must establish community awareness, stay alert, see clearly, listen intently, have clarity of purpose, and the courage to act.
- Watch, Listen, Ask, Report, Speak Up, Act
Most important: Watch what goes on. Listen to the children. Ask questions of anybody trying to get close to your child. Report what you think. DO NOT REMAIN SILENT!
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